Mom passed away last week

My mom died last week. I've spent a lot of time pondering where she is and where my own identity is, too.

An unfortunate side effect of grief is time distortion. It's the slippery, nasty kind that plagues the elderly. Maybe the forgetfullness that comes with age is not so much a function of the mind slowing down but of grief building up.

We mark time through relationships - birthdays, graduations, marriages. As we lose our loved ones, as their lives slip away, we question what relationships really happened after all. A terrific (in the sense that this word is connected to terrifying) sense of unreality sets in and the beat we listen to to keep in step becomes unreliable. An itch on my forehead is more tangible than the person who has died.

I've found it difficult to concentrate on simple tasks. I start one, make little progress and then move to another.

With each conversation I have it becomes a bit easier. Also, there are important things to know - the blessings of all this. I'll recount a handful:

- My mom and I have had a good friendship as adults for about a decade
- She did not suffer or linger long with this cancer. The Good Lord took her quickly.
- I had a chance to spend time with her on the Saturday night before she dies and we got to smile and laugh together.
- Becky and I, my Uncle Mike and mom's best friend, Mary all got the chance to be with her as she passed. We got to hold her hanbds and tell her how much we loved her.
- Many other friends got to stand with her at her bedside that night to comfort her and us and to say goodbye.

So, thanks, God. For my mom and her life and the blessings at the end. Mom made a gift of her life to all who knew her.

Steve

Uly's first bike ride

Uly and I went on his first bicycle ride yesterday.

I bought a used Fisher-Price bike trailer and it was great. $40 off craigslist, btw.

One tip to you if you decide to get a trailer - which I feel is safer than ride-behind seats for infants - I'd suggest just strapping the child's car seat into the trailers. The built in seating wasn't comfortable, but his baby car seat is and is safer, too, I think.

We rode about 2 miles and visited his mom at work. He fell asleep on the way back. I plan on taking him out today, too.

Steve

A constant state of recovery

In some ways, that's how my life has felt. As if I'm third world and recovering from cascading family issues, personal failings and falls. Maybe that's a way that everyone feels.

Becky and I have made what I believe to be great strides towards moving beyond this level two mode. We're trying to do more than tread water.

For instance, our basement, a project we have collaborated with Mary Ellen and her boyfriend Ben on completing, is nearly finished. I'll have an actual office and will return from Macintosh exile soon. (one reason my posts have been so spartan is that I've been working - doing all my work on a laptop that is practically an antique - ten years old now, I think!)

Every day we are completing more of our planned, regular chores and yesterday we even took some time to ourselves.

As you may have heard, my mom has cancer. We don't know a lot about it right now - she's undergoing a lot of tests. She is doing as well as she can with it now and is back at home after two weeks in the hospital. I'll update more when I know more.

Anyway, her illness has been, among other things, a gentle nudge to me to recall that we're not here forever. In that spirit, Becky and I had a family day on Sunday. We went to Price Hill Chili for breakfast (very midwestern/west side/insular in character, but good food) and then to Krohn Conservatory to enjoy a steamy walk among the flowers. Finally, we visited mom and pitched some junk for her.

A little at a time and we'll move it along.

A small aside - Vader is Dutch for father - which, I'm sure, is why Darth had this as a surname or nickname or suffix. Whatever that was.

Steve