Mom passed away last week

My mom died last week. I've spent a lot of time pondering where she is and where my own identity is, too.

An unfortunate side effect of grief is time distortion. It's the slippery, nasty kind that plagues the elderly. Maybe the forgetfullness that comes with age is not so much a function of the mind slowing down but of grief building up.

We mark time through relationships - birthdays, graduations, marriages. As we lose our loved ones, as their lives slip away, we question what relationships really happened after all. A terrific (in the sense that this word is connected to terrifying) sense of unreality sets in and the beat we listen to to keep in step becomes unreliable. An itch on my forehead is more tangible than the person who has died.

I've found it difficult to concentrate on simple tasks. I start one, make little progress and then move to another.

With each conversation I have it becomes a bit easier. Also, there are important things to know - the blessings of all this. I'll recount a handful:

- My mom and I have had a good friendship as adults for about a decade
- She did not suffer or linger long with this cancer. The Good Lord took her quickly.
- I had a chance to spend time with her on the Saturday night before she dies and we got to smile and laugh together.
- Becky and I, my Uncle Mike and mom's best friend, Mary all got the chance to be with her as she passed. We got to hold her hanbds and tell her how much we loved her.
- Many other friends got to stand with her at her bedside that night to comfort her and us and to say goodbye.

So, thanks, God. For my mom and her life and the blessings at the end. Mom made a gift of her life to all who knew her.

Steve